In Yesterday’s post I mentioned Warren Buffet and how he overcame his fear of public speaking. Here’s an interview he did on FoxNews. In it he talks about why he took the Dale Carnegie Public Speaking course and what he did to continue to overcome his fear of speaking.
Archives for December 2009
How I Overcame my Fear of Speaking in Public
I’m going through the Dale Carnegie Immersion program this month and will be sharing my experience. But before we dig into what I’m learning in this seminar, I want to share with you my experience with Dale Carnegie over the last 23 years. This is the second post in the series.
When I was younger nothing scared me more than having to speak in front of a group, it terrified me. One of the ironies of my fear is that I was a musician and had been playing saxophone and bassoon both with groups and as a soloist since I was in 4th grade. I had played in front of tens of thousands of people over the years and I was more nervous to tell them my name and what I was playing than I was to actually play. I would break out in a sweat and would forget what I was supposed to say, but when I started playing everything was OK.
I would do everything but skip class to keep from having to speak. When I thought my turn was coming up I would break out in a sweat. Then when I was called in front of the room I would be sweating, my hands would be shaking and I would be reading my notes without looking up. Then I would rush back to my seat as soon as humanly possible.
Shortly after my introduction to Dale Carnegie through “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” I bought his book “The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking.” This book opened my eyes. I learned that I was far from alone and that millions, if not billions of people were afraid of speaking. I read story after story of people who had overcome their fear and I learned why I was afraid of speaking in public
I wasn’t really afraid of speaking I was afraid of failing while speaking in public. So many of the issues I had in the past were because I wasn’t prepared properly, was speaking on subjects that I had not earned the right to speak about and I simply didn’t have enough practice. It was the equivalent of trying to play a symphony without really knowing the notes.
Two things Dale said really resonated with me: you have to predetermine your mind to success and you have to seize every opportunity to practice. I took action on his advice. I wasn’t able to call up a local University and offer to teach a course like Warren Buffet was able to do, but I did the closest thing that I could and became a waiter. I figured as a waiter I would have to practice speaking every day.
I’m glad I took action, but had no idea hard it would be for me. I laugh when I think back on my first days as a waiter at the Upper Crust restaurant in Braintree Massachusetts. I would be standing in back and the host or hostess would tell me I had a table. I would have to mentally prepare myself before I would go up to my tables for weeks and it was months before I could deliver something as simple as the specials without sweating and not reading my notes.
My next big step towards improving my speaking skills was to get involved with Shaklee, a network marketing company. Though today I’m not a fan of network marketing and may share my reasons in another post, I took advantage of the learning that was available and learned a great deal through my experience.
While with Shaklee I sought out every opportunity to speak in front of groups. I would speak in front anybody that would let me talk. I was speaking 10-15 times a month on top of working as a waiter at nights. I did opportunity meetings for 1-3 people, I did nutritional talks in front of rooms full of wrestlers, I did training sessions for groups of 8-10 people and eventually I was speaking in front of groups as large as 300 people and even shared a stage with Robert Cialidini, the author of “Influence.”
By taking action and seizing every opportunity to practice, I was able to overcome my fear of public speaking. Now almost 20 years later, I still occasionally find myself getting nervous when I’m going to be speaking. But because of the principles that I learned from Dale Carnegie I’ve been able to increase my skills and by increasing my skills, I’ve learned to deliver talks in front of groups of all sizes without fear.
My Introduction to Dale Carnegie
I’m going through the Dale Carnegie Immersion program this month and will be sharing my experience. But before we dig into what I’m learning in this seminar, I want to share with you my experience with Dale Carnegie over the last 23 years ago. This is my first introduction:
I was 19 years old and had just moved from Billings, MT where I had lived since I was 2 years old to Massachusetts to live with my Dad who I barely knew. I had managed to get myself in a little bit of trouble with credit already and living with my Dad was a way for me to earn money to pay things off and get back into college.
Shortly after I moved out to my Dad’s my half brother Danny moved back from California where he had been living since he left the Army a year or so earlier. Danny was jealous of me spending time with Dad because he had been raised by Dad alone his entire life. This caused us to have an uneasy relationship. That relationship was not able to grow into a real brother relationship because my brother Danny died a couple of months later in a crazy, stupid accident.
Danny’s death was very tough on my Dad. Dad had raised Danny by himself since he was just a baby. He had a very rough grieving process and needed time alone to grieve. I went through my own grieving process as well. I was 19 years old. I had just lost a brother who I didn’t really know. I was used to being surrounded by friends and family. Suddenly I knew no one and the one person who I had expected to lean on needed me to support him. I was more alone than I had ever been in my life.
To help me get through this period I dove into books searching for an answer. I read all sorts of self-help books that mostly came across as fluff to me. Then I found Dale Carnegie’s “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” It was my first introduction to his work and I was amazed at the way Dale uses stories to explain his principles. It made everything make sense to me and I went out and used what I learned.
Learning to live in “day tight compartments” alone had an immediate impact on my life. I had been spending a lot of time alone and doing what people do when they are alone “thinking.” It wasn’t good, positive productive thinking. It was a negative spiral of self pity that only built upon itself.
Following the principles in the book enabled me to step back and honestly take stock of my life. I had been fuming over the past and the things that I could not control. Following Dale’s advice I learned to focus on what I could control and to take action on what I could control without worrying about things that I couldn’t control. Once I started focusing on what I could control, my attitude changed and I quickly pulled myself back up and turned my life around.
Over the last 23 years I’ve read my Dale books a dozen times and always have a copy nearby during good times and during times of turmoil. While I’ve read and learned from many other great teachers in the subsequent years, I will always remember Dale Carnegie’s books for helping a lonely 19 year old put his feet under himself and move forward with his life.
Tomorrow I will share more about my journey with Dale Carnegie